Cranky

So completely sick of everything, I'd like to blow everything and everybody I know into one huge balloon and then BURST IT!!!!!!!!!!!

Dave McKean

The Black Orchid

Messages

To S..Much happiness in touching base with you. Love always.

To The Crazy Diamond...I am sorry. Please trust me again.

Tired

Heat, blood-loss,looking at sad photographs...all dragging at my energy. I'm sad about S. I'm sad about leaving tnt. I want to sit on my hill at dusk without my cell-phone.
I miss you S. I wish I could tell you but I'm afraid you're past caring. Time doesn't matter yet. It hasn't increased or decreased my thoughts of you. They are there.

Evening Talks

People ask me about you. Sometimes I tell them, sometimes I tell them even when they haven't asked. I can see more clearly now that you are only a distant body clothed in charcoal, talking so deliberately into a phone. I see you on crumpled sheets, your smile the only smoothness. The colours of you...the almost-whites and the cream-browns....the teeth-marks on your shoulder. To taste your blood and your roots and all that runs through and under your skin. To know what your name means in every language. In you I am soft and sharp, questing and at complete acceptance, holding, letting fall, never holding back, affectionate and hungry...

lists

Things I am fierce about
Privacy
Independence
Mum

Little Learnings
I cried while watching E sleep
Bittersweetness
I have realized that I hate people leaving my bedroom door open after them
Ditto people who try to talk to me when I'm having a bath
I have more attitude than I ever thought
I react badly to authority

Of Circles and Green Aprons

I know I know,I have been Very Lazy Blogger. Apologies to one who is a cherished reader and has been bugging me to be more regular.

It's been a combination of reasons, really. A load of work, a terrible cold, laziness, the computer conking off, many glamorous love affairs....

I have got my US visa finally. Raju and I went to Bombay, spent 3 hours waiting outside the Consulate and concluded the interview in about two minutes. My consular officer was rather attractive, but 3 hours of standing in Bombay heat had sapped me of all energy, let alone charm. Anyway, tis all done, and there are Big Plans of celebrating a certain close relative's birthday in London on the way back. Mum is hopefully flying in as well, so Heigh-Ho.
Before all this jollity, however, I have to confront that terrible persecutor of students,EGGJAMS(exams you dolts). And my life in tnt as I know it is coming to an end. I shall post a highly mournful epitaph on that later.
My Taker-Over has joined tnt. He is rather nice, seems very Yin and interesting. And quiet compared to the rest of us Gigglers. Methinks he will mesh well with tnt. Tis also the svet fact that he was our very first customer. Sigh. I do love circles :)

I am also writing and designing our Green Apron Book. A concepted initiated by Starbucks, tis basically an index of customer-care rules, specific to the organization. If anyone has suggestions on what we at tnt do best, please do write in.

My friend Roger.

....And I've loved him all through.

shut-eye talk

So sleeeeepeeeee. I bought myself red-black-gold anklet today from Either Or. That's 'a story not a store', and one I love almost as much as tnt. They gave me my anklet in a tiny little paper bag with red thread strung through for carrying.
I just had some awesome solkadhi which Cook Maushi made. I'm being very careful with names, as you see.Solkadhi or soul curry, for those of you who don't know, is part of the Malvani cuisine, popular along the Konkan coast. Made of coconut milk and kokam, tis very filling and very very tasty. I'm dying to try it with a smoke.

With a little help from R & C, and S.

I shamelessly invade your privacy, blow a thousand prayers towards your home. I argue mercilessly with myself about your space, wonder when to pull back when to surge forward. I visit bookstores with music in them, wonder how you would like them.
I never expect your replies, I am complete.
You mean you're supposed to love less than this?

My Visual DNA

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Marc Chagall

Had forgotten how much I like him....the dreaminess, the harmony. Thanks @d, for the reminder.

Rants of a Political Ignoramus

Have been running hither and thither for my new passport. It is very exhausting, firstly because my energy reserve is naturally low, and secondly because the whole system is geared to make you feel powerless. A grinning idiot in the hands of the bureaucracy. I have made several new 'uncles' and my politeness level has gone up tremendously. Such are the uses of this system we inhabit, imbibe and trash regularly.
Tis election day here, and I am at a loss. My name is on the list, but I know so little of any of the candidates....
It's lethargy, I know. I always have been happily unaware of politics. Well, not so much politics as the politicians. I recently reviewed a book on the life of Nani Palkhivala, written by M.V. Kamath who was his contemporary. All I know of Palkhivala is that he was passionate about the Constitution and that his oratory skills were superlative. He fought against Parliament's right to make amendments to the Constitution.
The Director has heard him speak. She says he was truly inspirational. I have never heard a political speaker. And certainly not one who inspired me. The closest I got to politics was my International Relations class in the A Level course. I don't like too many names and dates, but I liked the concepts.
To me politics is symbolizes ultimate power and a heap of murkiness. We take it for granted that people will do anything for power and money, and as long as our work gets done, we are willing to pay. Politics make it impossible for me to travel without a stack of papers which take months to prepare. Politics, now criminally mixed up with organised religion creates imaginary lines all across the globe. Stepping across could mean death. Or at least detainment. Even language has become a political tool. Should English be the 'universal tongue' or should we stick to our native languages? Certain countries refuse to speak English even if they know how. The resentment underlining this is old. Politics is defined as 'the social relations between groups'. Politicians have made it into the sharp delineation of differences between people. Differences which they use to further their power. East-West. India-Pakistan. Hindu-Muslim. Shia-Sunni. Agriculture-Industry.
I'm sure it's not easy for them. But what I am I voting for?

letter

Dear People Who Want What's Best For me.
I am a Drifter.
Deal with it.

With very genuine regards
Me.

I raise my glass

To one of the most exasperating people I know. She's almost through college and has landed herself TWO great jobs. She's making her way through a steady romance, and has grown so, so much. Very proud me is.

What I Have

Do you see? There is a scratch above my mouth, a curving scar deep in the warmth of my left thigh. My knees are folds of flesh, their shape indifferent.
I may not be featured on glossy pages, so they say.
You know.
How much I love my body.
The shuuders of it, the sharp hair and every fall it took for me. How much I love it when it moves. When it is quiet, when
it screams.
You know.
My belly, with its round, soft richness. The perfection of my navel.
The bones of my hip, when I stand before you, leaning slightly.
I love to dance. My body wriggles and shapes itself like no other. My legs awaken, my pixie shoulders scream for attention. My body with all the scent of the sea where my thighs part. The power of the eagle's eye where my spine begins. The soul of my flesh and bone between my eyes.
This, this is what sinks into your image. Here is what I love, the utmost I want to give.
Did you know?

Would the MADhatter dine with you?

The MADhatter would love to dine with you! He immediately senses that you are an excitable eccentric mess who is in desperate need of some direct madness! The evening runs smothley and you eat crazy dishes from the very corners of Wonderland. After dining you do a several tribal dances and twirl and shout war cries. After all this you paint yourself with multicoloured paints and celebrate the end of the evening by shooting colourful streamers at bunny rabbits. He then lulls you into a deep sleep and sends you home flying a beautiful bird. Take this quiz!

Yaba Daba Do (you) ;)

Your Pickup Line Is

I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock

The Magical Pick Up Line Generator

And so...goodbye

Cords snap, entire hard-spun webs crumble....
And nothing must stop.

This holding on has stretched and diminished
me
Your eyes have grown dimmer
As though you have tired of the insistence
Of this love

As though my every word, every step
I took towards touching you
again...
was a question asked of you
Asked..
Over and over again.
It is easier, and safer to love a memory
But the spinning cannot stop.
The dreams, the colour, the bodies we shall know
The threads and patterns on our spindle
Will go on.

You, whole,in fragments
silent in your joy and your sleep
so beautiful

I can gather up my own pieces quietly
I will not thrust my breakage on you

Honestly

I love you.
It's as simple, as complicated as that

Very sleepy and blah. Sat down to re-write and polish something I scribbled in class this morning, but.....just too tired. Pigwidgeon left a sweet goodnight msg on my bed last night. Thank you again.