Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Yea Baby

You are Barefoot!
You're a total free spirit, go with the flow girlYou can't be restricted by shoes for very longAnd unsuprisingly, the same goes for menYour match is out there - and he's as carefree as you are

Monday, January 28, 2008

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do,
and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

--Mary Oliver--

Sunday, January 27, 2008

From me to me

Little girl
Be silent, always apologetic for any noise you make.
Remember you are strong(sometimes you need to crack)
Built to endure
To give


Cry always


(tell no one!)


Always always
be afraid of giving offence

(I would like to be asked, sometime, if I want to cry)

yes, I am wrong
even if I am not

I will store it

(my body is deep enough)

tears are disruptive


the wetness, the anger
of your eyes



when you asked if you are strong


you are here to weather
the heaviest of tides

to continue
straight of back
at all times

(I fear nothing but disharmony)

willing giver of your own blood

you bear love


(I forgive and never forget)

Copyright: Ahana Basu
January 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008


July Child writes, 'It's time I stopped acting stupider than I actually am.'


Me too.

Thanks Tripuri, for not letting me sink beneath it :)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Dear Sister

My biggest role in the family is that of big sister. Now I know most of yall are familiar..maybe even overfamiliar... with my brother.
But you don't know much about my little sister. My mashi's daughter. We grew up together...were bitter enemies at one time. But we were playmates! And how we played. Crazy fashion shows and re-enactment of Disney movies...

Now she's fifteen. Smart, with a delightful sense of humour. Precocious, mad about boys and clothes and books. She has a wardrobe I consciously raid whenever I visit. I am now her stylist, her sounding board and her guide to sexual activity(stop sniggering people!).

I'm worried. She, like me has a scattered family. Certain ties have been cut altogether. The ones that hold are currently very frail. There have been ugly confrontations and showdowns. My mashi and I are close, and she has always seen me as my sister's keeper.
In this situation, I feel helpless. How do I tell them that if they could just set aside some time for one another. Maybe communicate a little more than talking about schoolwork and tuitions and how the phone-bill is too high.
I've learnt this over the past three years. Relationships need to be looked after. Need exclusive time. Even blood ties pale if they are not nurtured.
I am incredibly blessed that my grandmother(yes the Gestapo one), my mum and now my stepmum have been around to teach me this.

My little sister is turning completely to her friends for support and emotional nourishment. And even there I hear of so much disappointment and back-stabbing.
I can't give her what she needs. Not all of it. She needs her home, her mum. Meals eaten together. Time together.

Please God, let her have it all. Let her know the joy that is true bonding. And don't please don't let her be cynical about relationships and giving.

Monday, January 21, 2008


Mum and I

Sisters..Mum and Shampi Mashi

Sisters 2...Shoie and I :)


...aadha sa wada kabhi
Aadhe se jayada kabhi
Jee chahe karlu is tarah

wafa ka

Chhode na chhoote kabhi
Tode na tute kabhi
Jo dhaga tumse jud gaya
wafa ka...

-Irshad Kamil (Jab We Met)

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Rumour has it...

...that this could be the official poster for the sixth Harry Potter movie, scheduled to release on the 11th of November this year.
A lot of the fansites are scheduled to visit the sets of Half-Blood Prince fact there's already an appropriately 'OH MY GAWD!' post up here.
Word is also going round that Deathly Hallows may be filmed as two full-length movies.
Can't wait!!!!!!!

Friday, January 18, 2008


Dear Little Girls Who Live in My Building.

Yes I have a mum who lives away.

Yes Eeshaan is my real REAL brother.

Yes I am 22 years old, and no, I have no intention of marrying right now.

No I didn't always live here, I was born in Calcutta and lived there 20 years!

But you know what!

I'm here now, and I'm nice and i'm

So deal with it and back off! And tell your mothers too!

Gossipiness in 7 yr olds isn't pretty.


Your Local Big Sister

Put Your Head in the Oven and Screeeaaam!

A college campus, green and glowing. Two girls walking(dragging their feet?), looking worn out from too much concentration.

A man, youngish, incredibly sexy, wearing a navy blue jacket walks briskly behind them, catches up, is passing them when...

Obsessed College Girl(slightly breathless): Good Morning Sir!

The Man(looking around and smiling): Hello people. Lectures over?

OCG: Yeah, that's why we're in such great shape!

The Man has passed them, he is now walking ahead

He pivots, grinning...

Man: So...lectures leave you in bad shape??

OCG(with silly, simpery smile): Not all of them...


P was with me when this happened. She got great pleasure out of seeing me 'knocked off balance.' Apparently that doesn't happen to me often enough. Hah! If she only knew!
This only days after I was giggling and twirling my hair, only one day after I cheerfully told him the ontological argument against the existence of God, when he had asked for the one for.
Tis all good, giggly, girly fun! After I crawl out of my Too Embarrassed to Breathe Hole.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Crushes, compliments and consciousness

Ok, several things to write about, so I shall be un-Tia like and do it in order.

Firstly...I have Gratitude Bubbles to send out to the Boss and to Jyoti. I believe strongly that compliments can brighten up the dreariest of days. And I know that these two women would never gush or be insincere.
So...thank you for making me believe in Soul-Tia a little more. Look out for great big colourful bubbles in your dreams tonight!

Second....I have an embarassingly blatantly crush on my Philosophy professor! Well ok, maybe it's not so embarrassing since I'm definitely not the only one!
But, I am the only one who giggles and twirls her hair while he's talking in class! Ick! Like some hormonal adolescent!
Oh wait, I am hormonal, just not adolescent so...that makes my statement defunct! HMPH!
Ok, in that case...Hurrah for Hormonal Adolescent Behaviour!!!!!!
But can you not love a guy who says 'crap' and 'goddamn' while explaining Philosophy and Religion!

Third....ok, this is reference to something the Boss wrote about my being 'completely unbiased about people.'
Now, I have a very simple, and I suspect very naive theory about this.
Being biased is to set up walls, shut certain people out, refuse to really get to know them.
I do have such biases. Based on completely personal things such as owning Innovas (grin), being the obnoxious ex of a friend (seriously you do not want to mess with people I love!) and so on.
But setting up walls means I miss out on getting to know people. And who knows how many soul-matey, wonderfully quirky people are out there!

How much soul-stretching and learning would I accept if I can't accept people?

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


Italics have a softness to them. The slant, the sway of the letters...I like to use them when I'm writing with care.

I have often been in contact, close contact with people whose values are not exactly in harmony with mine.
Sometimes the relationship has worked, sometimes it hasn't. I usually manage to make space, otherwise it just..fades off. No bitterness either way.

My value-system revolves around letting people be, and honouring commitment whether professional or personal. My biggest value-based goal is to be less afraid.

Why am I writing all this? In truth, this post is about why it pierces me when S is...harsh. Even though the harshness is not directed towards me, I cry. For him?
What does it mean when you keep someone so close to your heart that it feels their hard edges even though you weren't there physically.

Why does it matter to me what kind of human being he grows into? Why does every soft gesture he makes make my smile sing, my fingers tingle with hope?
S isn't romance material, not for me. In fact, I've been telling myself that he's no material at all for my life. Interacting with him had become painful, frustrating, hard. Casting him away is...painful, frustrating, hard.
And I completely lack the ability to be neutral. To 'make conversation.'

Our value-systems collide.

Our value-systems collide?

Yes I suppose they do.


With every bit of harshness, you push me further away. And you are a person I want to know. Unwrap and dive into.

Love not exclusively, but expressively.

My kind of loving fascinates you, but goes against you. Your kind of understated, prim, fiercely private affection.

I can't see you and make pleasant small talk. I can either be fiercely, loudly loving or cut you off completely.

It's just that....we go so against each other's grain, but I feel like I'd miss out on so much if I cast you off.

Sunday, January 13, 2008

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.”
“Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”

-Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Churan Talk

I am spooning out white powder from a jar and eating it. The jar reads Ajwain Pachak Goli. Below that it says, 'Remove Stomach Trouble.'

They really shouldn't leave me alone at home is what I say.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Life For Rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home

I never stick around quite long enough to make it

I apologize that once again

I'm not in love

But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought,

only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy

Well I deserve nothing more than I get

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea

To travel the world alone and live my life more simply

I have no idea what's happened to that dream

Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought,

only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy

Well I deserve nothing more than I get

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down

While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try

Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...


Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Thank You Georgie

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family.....

in another city

George Burns

.....and there are days I truly believe that!