Work has taken over my life. My sleep, my schedule, my way of typing...all are determined by that I work in a newsroom. It's not really a bad thing, I am enjoying myself mostly and loving the money at the end of each month. There are days, however, when I step outside myself to take a look at the Liquifier-at-work, and I cringe. I've never been the most professional of people, in that I am incapable of doing anything with hands and without heart. And too much of heart in the world of the media, in the world of the tabloid, is suicidal.
At work, I must be cool, wickedly funny, quick and profane. Hence on my one day off a week, I watch the BBC-made Pride & Prejudice, wander the aisles of bookshops and don't touch my laptop till past 11 pm when I am sure most of my colleagues will have logged off and left.
I like my workplace, and I am getting better at what I do. I do make a nuisance of myself still, but I've secured an Office Mother and a fellow hug-freak. And there are friends who willingly drop me home and buy me cigarettes and invite me for drinks. But I still think of this as transient work. But, I have a job and I have an earning at the end of the month. There is no greater joy for me than this.
In other news, have been missing A immensely. I am not used to having a guy interested in me also interested in knowing everything about my life. And then I discovered A. And then had to let go. Ugh!
The Gestapo came, stayed, pissed me off and went. Though due to my working hours, I didn't get to see them much, and when I did, I was so abrupt that they were scared to give me too much shit.
I need to get back to writing. For some reason, even those must-write-or-my-eyeballs-will-turn-green-and-pop-out moments have died. It is tiredness, and an utter lack of inspiration. But I do need to glue my bum to a chair and make a start.
I've been meeting/chatting with interesting people - a graphic novelist, filmmakers, tattoo artists etc. So maybe there's not an utter lack of inspiration. And most of these people are my age, or younger!
I have also been suffering from the Attention Deficit Disorders of Others, which simply means there are guys who aren't noticing me as much as they should. Not in the sense of a romance, but just in terms in attention. Ah well, one must work harder if one wants everything.
Tis all for now, am falling asleep over the keyboard.