AAAARGHHHH!

Italics have a softness to them. The slant, the sway of the letters...I like to use them when I'm writing with care.

I have often been in contact, close contact with people whose values are not exactly in harmony with mine.
Sometimes the relationship has worked, sometimes it hasn't. I usually manage to make space, otherwise it just..fades off. No bitterness either way.

My value-system revolves around letting people be, and honouring commitment whether professional or personal. My biggest value-based goal is to be less afraid.

Why am I writing all this? In truth, this post is about why it pierces me when S is...harsh. Even though the harshness is not directed towards me, I cry. For him?
What does it mean when you keep someone so close to your heart that it feels their hard edges even though you weren't there physically.

Why does it matter to me what kind of human being he grows into? Why does every soft gesture he makes make my smile sing, my fingers tingle with hope?
S isn't romance material, not for me. In fact, I've been telling myself that he's no material at all for my life. Interacting with him had become painful, frustrating, hard. Casting him away is...painful, frustrating, hard.
And I completely lack the ability to be neutral. To 'make conversation.'

Our value-systems collide.

Our value-systems collide?

Yes I suppose they do.

S...

With every bit of harshness, you push me further away. And you are a person I want to know. Unwrap and dive into.

Love not exclusively, but expressively.

My kind of loving fascinates you, but goes against you. Your kind of understated, prim, fiercely private affection.

I can't see you and make pleasant small talk. I can either be fiercely, loudly loving or cut you off completely.

It's just that....we go so against each other's grain, but I feel like I'd miss out on so much if I cast you off.