Changes

Life's been picking up, in pace, in value. A year of full-time work completed and a need a for change arisen. Sudden illness, even more sudden death. And seeing A.

Work has been busy and there have been added responsibilities, people I have come to love, drink with and exchange very long SMS-es with. But I think tis time to let go. I've been thinking about it for a while and have given myself about three months to figure out what comes next.

The GPs were here for a month and Dadu fell ill in the midst of their stay. So there was a week of worry and being scared and running back and forth between hospital, home and work. And I rode in an ambulance for the first time in my life. Not something I want to repeat. Dadu was great throughout the whole ordeal, complaining of the noise the machines made and how the stretcher was too hard and how doctors today know 'absolutely nothing.' I also went into an ICU for the first time ever. I'm a kid where hospitals are concerned. I hate the smell, the beeps, the helpless look of people who are waiting. Just waiting.

Dadu pulled through with gusto, the rest of us ate lots of chocolate (I did) and made ourselves generous vodka cocktails every night.

Mum has become Ms Accident-Prone over the last five-six weeks, cutting herself, falling on her bad knee, getting fever and just generally being overwrought. Then, yesterday, my great uncle, Mum's father's older brother had died of a massive attack. I wasn't all that close to him, despite living in the same house for seven years. But, more and more I realise how terribly, terribly sudden these things are. And it reminds me more urgently how far away I am from my mother.

But enough of the gloom and doom. A is here. Here in the same city where I can message him twenty times a day because now each SMS won't cost Rs 5. Call as many times as I want. And actually see and touch and talk to him. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

He's only here another two weeks and we haven't had enough time together. But he has become mood-lifter and hand-holder and understander and all manner of things he wasn't before. And I am struggling to be patient and not go about things in my usual bull-headed way. Trying not to complain or sulk when he can't give me time. Gritting my teeth each time he has other people to meet. Oh, there are questions galore, because neither of us is very sure as to what we're doing. Things are happening and we're going with the flow. Well ok, he's going with the flow...I'm kicking and screaming along with it. But it all feels right. And really, I think that just might be enough.