Focus

Rebecca Wells writes that total suppleness of the spirit is not always for the best. I have been labile in mind and heart over the last few days...allowing myself to rise far...maybe too far above what I know. I haven't had the quiet intimacy that this flight needs...therefore it has resulted in confusion.
Right now, I am crying out for enormous change. For quiet, for intimacy with one from whom I have earned it, for space where no one needs me. I am facing my urge to think of myself alone, to take steps that are so far removed from my plans of yesterday. From who I have been all these years.
There may well be an exasperating cacophony around me if I articulate all this. I don't have answers to all the how's and whys. I need to go and I need to be. I want to take a step, knowing that it is what I want only at that moment. I want to be careful with myself and to hell with a lot of things. I want to move, to drift away from everything that I have not built.

Poem

Some say that love's a little boy,
And some say it's a bird,
Some say it makes the world go round,
And some say that's absurd,
And when I asked the man next-door,
Who looked as if he knew,
His wife got very cross indeed,
And said it wouldn't do.

Does it look like a pair of pajamas,
Or the ham in a temperance hotel?
Does it's odour remind one of llamas,
Or has it a comforting smell?
Is it prickly to touch as a hedge is,
Or soft as eiderdown fluff?
Is it sharp or quite smooth at the edges?
O tell me the truth about love.

Our history books refer to it
In cryptic little notes,
It's quite a common topic on
The Transatlantic boats;
I've found the subject mentioned in
Accounts of suicides,
And even seen it scribbled on
The backs of railway-guides.

Does it howl like a hungry Alsatian,
Or boom like a military band?
Could one give a first-rate imitation
On a saw or a Steinway Grand?
Is its singing at parties a riot?
Does it only like Classical stuff?
Will it stop when one wants to be quiet?
O tell me the truth about love.

I looked inside the summer-house;
it wasn't ever there:
I tried the Thames at Maidenhead,
And Brighton's bracing air.
I don't know what the blackbird sang,
Or what the tulip said;
But it wasn't in the chicken-run,
Or underneath the bed.

Can it pull extraordinary faces?
Is it usually sick on a swing?
Does it spend all it's time at the races,
Or fiddling with pieces of string?
Has it views of its own about money?
Does it think Patriotism enough?
Are its stories vulgar but funny?
O tell me the truth about love.

When it comes, will it come without warning
Just as I'm picking my nose?
Will it knock on my door in the morning,
Or tread in the bus on my shoes?
Will it come like a change in the weather?
Will its greeting be courteous or rough?
Will it alter my life altogether?
O tell me the truth about love.

~W.H. Auden

Love

Those were the days....

I have a knack for beautiful girl-friends :)

Congratulations on the engagement, Dee. I hope this is the beginning of many wonderful things for yall.

Kahlil Gibran

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”

On the Eve of Mother's Day

I sent Mum some early Mother's Day greetings. This was her reply.

Nothing in my life would be wonderful
There would be no magic,
No marvel
No feeling of being worthy,
No faith,
No tears of joy.....

If You did not happen to me!!!!

I can never hold you enough,
Never be with you enough.
Never laugh with you enough..

I only wish there was more of us together.

Thank you for the Mother's Day Greetings!
With you, I feel greeted every moment!
Love you.

Seven years and thousands of miles apart....there is no one closer.

Hot Library Smut ;)

Bits of bibliophilic beauty from around the world!

If I have my way, I shall live in each one for at least a week.
Thanks RS.

Education

This is good stuff!

Much gratitude to the Insane Rambler. I loved it.

Quote

“All forms of tampering with human beings, getting at them, shaping them against their will to your own pattern, all thought control and conditioning is, therefore, a denial of that in men which makes them men and their values ultimate.”

Isaiah Berlin

Leaves

Woke up early today. 9 am! Was supposed to meet Sameer for lunch at 11:30, but a girl doesn't go to meet one of her favourite men in the world without oiling her hair, using special shampoo and conditioner and making sure her arms and legs are smooth. Weed wanted to meet him, so I took her along....we ran in to Vaishali at 12:00 with me panting out apologies.
For those of you who don't know, Sameer was one of the facilitators at a creative-writing workshop my college organized last year in collaboration with Pennsylvania State University last year.
We kept in touch via email, or in Sameer's words..'she wouldn't go away, so I finally decided to mail back.'
Twas good catching up with him...he is one of those people with gypsy limbs who wander actively and look you clear in the eye while talking/listening. Tis one of the things I love about The Professor as well :)
Sameer's going to be a father in June..and he is so incredibly excited! Aaaaaand....he said I write really well, and I should totally apply for an M.F.A, at PSU itself maybe. Thank you so much!

Weed and I went to the British Library for some free air-conditioning, and I ended up walking out with four books. Will I ever be less compulsive about books!! And shoes! And junk food!
Then we had the riches, thickest chocolate shakes and then went and bought Oshos and a jhola for me.
Sigh...how much I'm going to miss that road. Even if I'm at the university here, it won't be the same as going there every day.

I currently hate

everyone on the OC...why should they have all the fun!
all girls with thin legs
every student in Mumbai University
everyone who makes the slightest noise around me

Pipes

and underneath our colouring, we're all full of stories.
indigo as love
and who could put one story above another
(old scars
deeply sour in our blood)

the nightmares
pulsing in yellow
losing out breathing in wandering where there is more
waking up to fruitless
dim
white
(where are you)

peace, perfect in lavendar
crimson in its hunger
the tired red of eyes
bloodied
flowered bodies
every
body

a flower

and stories flowing
mouth to mouth
ritualized
tender
chanting and swaying

ancient as lines on palms

underneath my skin
yours
burnt and pale and touched
lies our breath
sullied, buried, storied
us.

breathing
...and who puts one breath above another...

3 pages a day

Be it mindless scribbling, poetry or the continued flow of a leetle story I began last night, 3 pages a day is my new YES.

Did you know that in Tahiti, they don't have a word for 'sad?' Sad isn't an emotion as far as they know. When somebody is sad, Tahitians believe she/he is physically ill.
That is the only interesting part of my Industrial Psychology course. Thankfully, the exam got over yesterday so I'm well rid of it.

But now begins the real stress. Starting Monday, I have Philosophy, Functional English a.k.a Linguistics and Literary Criticism one after the other.
The two English papers hold my pride so I'll dive into them. Philosophy, because I love it. It and the Professor :)
I'll leave you with a few lines inspired by him...

....you know how sometimes your brain feels like it's in a coma...like every nerve is frozen. And then...a huge shot of adrenaline bursts through you..like the sun is too close...like a fresh cut on your belly.. and you wake up glowing...gleaming with what you learnt. You...are that shot of adrenaline..the cut, the sun.

Yes

1. "I long to create something that can't be used to keep us passive: I want to write a script about plumbing, how every pipe is joined to every other."

2. "In order to live a fully human life we require not only control of our bodies (though control is a prerequisite); we must touch the unity and resonance of our physicality, our bond with the natural order, the corporeal grounds of our intelligence."

-Adrienne Rich

Rumi

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.”

Nandigram

http://development-dialogues.blogspot.com/2008/04/rape-being-repeatedly-used-as-tool-of.html

http://www.rediff.com/news/2008/apr/19nandi.htm

...the work must go on.

Blocked

...and very jittery. I have a feeling something's coming..and I'm not ready, though I want to be. I have the hard knots in my belly that have nothing to do with eating chips. The thing about me and fear is that I don't face them, I ignore them. As in, ignore them and get on with life. But fears have a nasty way of festering deep inside, of growing redder and more sore...
Maybe it's time I took some of these sores in hand. I'm rarely soothing to myself. I say 'tough love' and end it there.
I am realizing now that a lot depends on my facing life with my fears instead of trying to skate over them. I remember Maddie's post on saying YES. Tis incredibly important. Yes to impertinent grins, to the freedom of motion, to 'loving big, loud and shining.' Yes to speaking up, and talking freely. Yes to looking deeper at being responsible and being joyful. Yes to poetry. To spontaneous caring.
Tell you what. I'll make a project out of it. Pick one thing each day to say YES to. To open up to and learn about.
What do yall want to say YES to....

Treble trouble

Heat. PMS. Irritability.
Thank all goddesses for rooms with locks on the doors. And for VJ's who remind me that there are indeed people out there who are stupider than I am.

ETZ and more...

The countdown has begun. The stiffness in the neck. The tightening of the stomach muscles. This is that time of year when sleep seems a hindrance. When all I can bear to watch are animated movies and MTV Kickass Mornings.
The Liquifer has officially moved into the Exam Time Zone.

I'm also seeing and hearing of a lot of love :)
There's P and S and their wonderfully affectionate relationship. I've never seen P this happy in the 3 years that I've known her. There is so much sharing and richness between them.

There's Dee and her guy. I'm really really hoping this love makes her happy. She's far away, but her photographs and her writing tone are happy. Dee, if you're reading this...I'm sending you Special Hope Bubbles!

And now there's RS. Aren't new beginnings the best? Don't forget to never stop smiling :)

As for me, I'll borrow a few words from Maddie to tell you all about it...

"As it may happen I was so very busy feeling wounded I did not notice love following close behind me. It hummed little tunes and helped me pick out polkadot knee~socks, it chased the sticks I tossed for my dog at the beach. It waved me over in shops when it found a romantic flouncy skirt or a particularly pretty hat. Yet love was invisible to me. When I read my book and sipped my tea in the very early morning, love peeked over my shoulder and nodded happily at the parts that made me laugh. Love held my hand when I jumped over puddles and kissed my nose as I read the menu in the breakfast diner. It slipped into the bath before the candles were lit, and waited to tickle my toes. However, I turned my blind green eyes away from the romantic moons and pretended not to hear the soaring serenades outside my window. Yet every now and then my pen would slip and glance true love's way ~ allowing a few wayward poetic murmurs to slip on to the page.And then one evening, deep into the night I played the piano as a new note crept into my song. So, curious, I went back to read all my scattered scribblings and began to piece it all together
and there it was

~ staring me straight in the heart

~ petal by petal love had returned....:)

Isn't she beautiful.....

Love Song to a Stranger

Your gentleness came down upon me and I guess I thanked you

When you caused me to yield

We spoke not a sentence and took

not a footstep beyond

Our two days together which seemingly soon would be gone

Don't tell me of love everlasting and other sad dreams

I don't want to hear

Just tell me of passionate strangers who rescue each other

From a lifetime of cares

Because if love means forever, expecting nothing returned

Then I hope I'll be given another whole lifetime to learn..

-Joan Baez