Yea Baby

You are Barefoot!

You're a total free spirit, go with the flow girlYou can't be restricted by shoes for very longAnd unsuprisingly, the same goes for menYour match is out there - and he's as carefree as you are

www.blogthings.com/whatkindofwomensshoeareyouquiz

The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do,
and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough,
and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen branches and stones.

But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

--Mary Oliver--

From me to me

Little girl
Be silent, always apologetic for any noise you make.
Remember you are strong(sometimes you need to crack)
Built to endure
To give

Always

Cry always

hidden

(tell no one!)

Woman

Always always
be afraid of giving offence

(I would like to be asked, sometime, if I want to cry)

yes, I am wrong
even if I am not

I will store it

(my body is deep enough)

tears are disruptive

remember

the wetness, the anger
of your eyes

disturbances
all

(recite!)

when you asked if you are strong

(nod)

you are here to weather
the heaviest of tides

to continue
straight of back
at all times

(I fear nothing but disharmony)

willing giver of your own blood

you bear love

alone

(I forgive and never forget)


Copyright: Ahana Basu
January 2008

Lines

July Child writes, 'It's time I stopped acting stupider than I actually am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me too.

Thanks Tripuri, for not letting me sink beneath it :)

Dear Sister

My biggest role in the family is that of big sister. Now I know most of yall are familiar..maybe even overfamiliar... with my brother.
But you don't know much about my little sister. My mashi's daughter. We grew up together...were bitter enemies at one time. But we were playmates! And how we played. Crazy fashion shows and re-enactment of Disney movies...

Now she's fifteen. Smart, with a delightful sense of humour. Precocious, mad about boys and clothes and books. She has a wardrobe I consciously raid whenever I visit. I am now her stylist, her sounding board and her guide to sexual activity(stop sniggering people!).

I'm worried. She, like me has a scattered family. Certain ties have been cut altogether. The ones that hold are currently very frail. There have been ugly confrontations and showdowns. My mashi and I are close, and she has always seen me as my sister's keeper.
In this situation, I feel helpless. How do I tell them that if they could just set aside some time for one another. Maybe communicate a little more than talking about schoolwork and tuitions and how the phone-bill is too high.
I've learnt this over the past three years. Relationships need to be looked after. Need exclusive time. Even blood ties pale if they are not nurtured.
I am incredibly blessed that my grandmother(yes the Gestapo one), my mum and now my stepmum have been around to teach me this.

My little sister is turning completely to her friends for support and emotional nourishment. And even there I hear of so much disappointment and back-stabbing.
I can't give her what she needs. Not all of it. She needs her home, her mum. Meals eaten together. Time together.


Please God, let her have it all. Let her know the joy that is true bonding. And don't please don't let her be cynical about relationships and giving.

Kolkata..

Mum and I


Sisters..Mum and Shampi Mashi


Sisters 2...Shoie and I :)

song

...aadha sa wada kabhi
Aadhe se jayada kabhi
Jee chahe karlu is tarah

wafa ka

Chhode na chhoote kabhi
Tode na tute kabhi
Jo dhaga tumse jud gaya
wafa ka...




-Irshad Kamil (Jab We Met)

Rumour has it...

...that this could be the official poster for the sixth Harry Potter movie, scheduled to release on the 11th of November this year.

A lot of the fansites are scheduled to visit the sets of Half-Blood Prince soon...in fact there's already an appropriately 'OH MY GAWD!' post up here.

Word is also going round that Deathly Hallows may be filmed as two full-length movies.

Can't wait!!!!!!!

Letter

Dear Little Girls Who Live in My Building.

Yes I have a mum who lives away.

Yes Eeshaan is my real REAL brother.

Yes I am 22 years old, and no, I have no intention of marrying right now.

No I didn't always live here, I was born in Calcutta and lived there 20 years!

But you know what!

I'm here now, and I'm nice and i'm just....me.

So deal with it and back off! And tell your mothers too!

Gossipiness in 7 yr olds isn't pretty.

Love

Your Local Big Sister

Put Your Head in the Oven and Screeeaaam!

A college campus, green and glowing. Two girls walking(dragging their feet?), looking worn out from too much concentration.

A man, youngish, incredibly sexy, wearing a navy blue jacket walks briskly behind them, catches up, is passing them when...

Obsessed College Girl(slightly breathless): Good Morning Sir!

The Man(looking around and smiling): Hello people. Lectures over?

OCG: Yeah, that's why we're in such great shape!

The Man has passed them, he is now walking ahead

He pivots, grinning...

Man: So...lectures leave you in bad shape??

OCG(with silly, simpery smile): Not all of them...


THE END


P was with me when this happened. She got great pleasure out of seeing me 'knocked off balance.' Apparently that doesn't happen to me often enough. Hah! If she only knew!
This only days after I was giggling and twirling my hair, only one day after I cheerfully told him the ontological argument against the existence of God, when he had asked for the one for.
Tis all good, giggly, girly fun! After I crawl out of my Too Embarrassed to Breathe Hole.

Crushes, compliments and consciousness

Ok, several things to write about, so I shall be un-Tia like and do it in order.

Firstly...I have Gratitude Bubbles to send out to the Boss and to Jyoti. I believe strongly that compliments can brighten up the dreariest of days. And I know that these two women would never gush or be insincere.
So...thank you for making me believe in Soul-Tia a little more. Look out for great big colourful bubbles in your dreams tonight!

Second....I have an embarassingly blatantly crush on my Philosophy professor! Well ok, maybe it's not so embarrassing since I'm definitely not the only one!
But, I am the only one who giggles and twirls her hair while he's talking in class! Ick! Like some hormonal adolescent!
Oh wait, I am hormonal, just not adolescent so...that makes my statement defunct! HMPH!
Ok, in that case...Hurrah for Hormonal Adolescent Behaviour!!!!!!
But seriously..how can you not love a guy who says 'crap' and 'goddamn' while explaining Philosophy and Religion!

Third....ok, this is reference to something the Boss wrote about my being 'completely unbiased about people.'
Now, I have a very simple, and I suspect very naive theory about this.
Being biased is to set up walls, shut certain people out, refuse to really get to know them.
I do have such biases. Based on completely personal things such as owning Innovas (grin), being the obnoxious ex of a friend (seriously you do not want to mess with people I love!) and so on.
But setting up walls means I miss out on getting to know people. And who knows how many soul-matey, wonderfully quirky people are out there!

How much soul-stretching and learning would I accept if I can't accept people?

AAAARGHHHH!

Italics have a softness to them. The slant, the sway of the letters...I like to use them when I'm writing with care.

I have often been in contact, close contact with people whose values are not exactly in harmony with mine.
Sometimes the relationship has worked, sometimes it hasn't. I usually manage to make space, otherwise it just..fades off. No bitterness either way.

My value-system revolves around letting people be, and honouring commitment whether professional or personal. My biggest value-based goal is to be less afraid.

Why am I writing all this? In truth, this post is about why it pierces me when S is...harsh. Even though the harshness is not directed towards me, I cry. For him?
What does it mean when you keep someone so close to your heart that it feels their hard edges even though you weren't there physically.

Why does it matter to me what kind of human being he grows into? Why does every soft gesture he makes make my smile sing, my fingers tingle with hope?
S isn't romance material, not for me. In fact, I've been telling myself that he's no material at all for my life. Interacting with him had become painful, frustrating, hard. Casting him away is...painful, frustrating, hard.
And I completely lack the ability to be neutral. To 'make conversation.'

Our value-systems collide.

Our value-systems collide?

Yes I suppose they do.

S...

With every bit of harshness, you push me further away. And you are a person I want to know. Unwrap and dive into.

Love not exclusively, but expressively.

My kind of loving fascinates you, but goes against you. Your kind of understated, prim, fiercely private affection.

I can't see you and make pleasant small talk. I can either be fiercely, loudly loving or cut you off completely.

It's just that....we go so against each other's grain, but I feel like I'd miss out on so much if I cast you off.

There's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service, but those were dead ends! I think this chair is the answer.”

~~~~~~~

“Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”

-Matt Groening, The Simpsons

Churan Talk

I am spooning out white powder from a jar and eating it. The jar reads Ajwain Pachak Goli. Below that it says, 'Remove Stomach Trouble.'

They really shouldn't leave me alone at home is what I say.

Life For Rent

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home

I never stick around quite long enough to make it

I apologize that once again

I'm not in love

But it's not as if I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking

It's just a thought,

only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy

Well I deserve nothing more than I get

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

I've always thought that I would love to live by the sea

To travel the world alone and live my life more simply

I have no idea what's happened to that dream

Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me

It's just a thought,

only a thought

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy

Well I deserve nothing more than I get

Cos nothing I have is truly mine

While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down

While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try

Well how can I say I'm alive

If my life is for rent...

-Dido

Thank You Georgie

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family.....

in another city

George Burns

.....and there are days I truly believe that!

The Red Areas of My Brain

I've been thinking of my no-compromise zones. Thought you might want to know too....

1. Privacy: I'm fierce about me-time, and I'll tell you straight-out if you're not wanted right then. I expect knocks on my door before you enter. I leave things scattered about my space in the trust that they will not be picked up/misused/poked into. Whether I am bathing, sleeping, staring into space or whatever, I would really appreciate it if you were sensitive and intelligent enough to let me be.

2. Books: I believe in sharing these small pieces of delight as fully as I can. You tell me you want to read/borrow something off my shelf...I'll gladly give it to you. But I do not appreciate books being removed from my room without my permission. Also, I will not lend books to a 'friend's friend, cousin, aunt'...in short, no one I have not met and evaluated. Any book lent out is expected to be returned in very good condition. I don't care if you are the most bindass, carefree person ever, you screw up my books, I'll come and cut out your tongue.

3. Writing: I write. I do ok. I'll write what I'm told if it brings in money. I'll write what I'm not told if it gives me a kick. I'll write the opposite to what I'm told because I'm feeling like a wuss and I need a small act of rebellion. Don't come round with a list of shoulds and should-nots. I'll slap you!

4. Love: I'm blind, deaf and dumb in defence of certain people. I might (and probably do) yell at them most of the time myself, but YOU can't. Don't come telling me 'I really think your mum, dad, brother, friend etc, should....' I appreciate that you have an opinion. I appreciate that you have the right to express it. I do not appreciate imposition, even verbally. If the only way you can express yourself is to be pseudo-righteous, self-satisfied and with an air of let-me-show-you-how-to-manage-your-life-better, either shut up or get slugged.

5. The politics of Bengal: This is a very recent development in my consciousness.
Yes, tis a mess. Yes, it's regressed terribly this past year. But were you there? Have you grown up in the textures and scents of Calcutta? Bengal, however she is....dark, volatile, full of talk...is woven tightly into my blood. And that's the only way you 'get' Bengal. You don't read newspapers and shake your head disapprovingly and snigger at Communism and understand.
You go into the storm. You wear the muzzle. You rally against it.
You don't show your utter stupidity by standing miles away, pointing at the mess and saying, 'Shit, what are those Communists up to?'

6. Change: I'm very good at standing outside and giving myself the critical once-over. I don't need you to do it. Don't look at me as an Improvement Project. Don't ever try and bulldoze me. If you are one of those authoritarian, thick-skinned people who begin every sentence with 'what I want you to do is...,' I suggest you tone it down. I am completely aware of the way I am...if I need a reminder, suggest, don't walk all over me simply because you have a compulsive need to manage other people's lives.

I loved writing that out!

Hope yall have just the kind of night and year you want.

Much love.

The Better Song Baby

I went out and had fun today after a long time. A concert at Anandban Club. Did me a world of good just to dress, moisturize and wear kajal.

Some good music...superlative guitar and drums....some hilarious vocals, but most of all, a lot of familiar faces made up the evening.

Twas good to see Mannu and Kashmira who can chase the blues off by simply being around. Good to sing along to 'Bittersweet Symphony' and 'Summer of '69' and 'Country Roads' all while flapping my hands and doing other dance movements which clearly indicated that Coke and antibiotics do not mix well.
Weed and I did a lot of giggling and bitching. I firmly believe that the healing process is nothing, nothing without these! Missed the Rambler immensely :)
The kiddie performers were adorable, if off-key.
There was a rendition of 'Kiss Me,' which made me want to slap the singers, throttle them...do anything but kiss them.


And it was good to tickle and have pointless arguments with the Oddball. Gives me a real rush!
Grin!

So the song I'm singing is...I'm getting better I'm getting Better yeah yeah...

While you think of ways you can

a) avoid me
or
b) quickly slip some arsenic into my food

read this.

Waking up, slowly

I've been sick for over ten days now. I've never had a prolonged illness before so...new experience there. I'm recovering slowly.
The temperature is subsiding, the cough softening...but the tiredness that is deeply physical, the inability to enjoy eating, the shortness of temper... will take time.

I miss my non-illness days intensely. College, meeting friends in Savera, the iced tea and cigarette that is a morning ritual for many of us, movies, insane laughter, chips and chip-books...
I've wanted to be left alone these past few days. But I've also wanted pampering, a good laugh, Mum...
I've been perfectly irritable and nasty at times..and Dad has been the best of sports about it. He's home now, so..he got to hang out with Grubby, Sick, Snappy Me the most. He worried a lot, made me lovely soup, left me alone without my having to tell him, made no demands at all...

I am definitely not enjoying this learning. The knowledge that my famously steely backbone and constitution can, in fact falter, is hardly gratifying. I don't take kindly to being looked after. I am yet to be comfortable with that kind of loving :)

What I am realizing, is that it is terrible to be sick. My illness will last perhaps two weeks...my impatience to get well, to taste life again makes me think of those who may never get well. Who lie in strange, impersonal hospital beds for months and months. How do they reconcile themselves? Or do they keep fighting? How do you tell yourself, and accept, that you will never see the sun again?
I missed the tnt Christmas party at Sassoon this year. I mean, I really missed it!
I wanted to hear Yam and Nan sing. I really wanted to see the kiddies and the way they look at the decorations we put up. With all my love for Christmas, I can never get that look.
And I wanted to see Santa, cos we only get to fight once a year. So yeah Shri-Kant, even though you don't read this, and Boss there is absolutely no need to tell him...missed seeing you this year :)

I have pictures to put up and stories to tell...soon as I've woken up a bit more.

Keep in good health, now :)

Rand a Rary Rappy Ristmas Ro Roo Rooo

A Politically Correct Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...

How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".

"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labour conditions at the North Pole were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,

Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid

Were replaced with 4 pigs,

and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;

The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops

When they heard sled noises on their rooftops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe

had his workers quite frightened.

His fur trimmed red suit was called

"Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,

Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,

Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,

Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,

Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion

That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,

Which meant nothing for him.

And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.

Nothing for just girls, or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.

Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.

Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,

Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological

Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;

Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;

And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;

He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,

But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;

Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed,

a gift that he might Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,

Each group of people, every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...

May you and your loved ones,

enjoy peace on Earth.

~~~~

Author Unknown

~~~~~

Wishing yall lit candles, laughter and wonderful memories this Christmas.